18 Jul 2007
The US Senate, claiming to have stayed up all night to debate the war strategy in Iraq, was actually found watching the World Series of Poker throughout the night.
In response to this finding, Senate majority leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said, "We had to pull the all-nighter. There's no way our wives and husbands were going to let us watch the World Series of Poker at home. And we needed a front to give us a reason to be here. Plus, one of the perks of being Senator is the free pay-per-view in the Capitol building."
Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) agreed. "This is one bit of policy we agreed on. In fact, I had money on one of the final table participants, but he busted out early."
When pressed about the morality of using the Iraq war as a cover for their poker indulgence, Hillary Clinton (D-NY) and Barack Obama (D-IL) came together to state that poker was a unifying activity for the lawmakers. "We even have our own tournaments and prize bracelets - whoever holds the most bracelets actually ends up deciding what business we tackle in the Senate. You'd be surprised, but Chuck Hagel (R-NE) is quite the card shark," Obama said. "He's the frontrunner with 6 bracelets," Clinton added.
Hagel's spokesperson originally declined to comment but later mentioned that Hagel's candidacy for President was really just a cover so that he could travel the country and play in satellite tournaments using government funds. "A man who is genius enough to be that creative with the taxpayers' money, quite frankly, deserves the Presidency."