25 Mar 2009
The Onion had a couple funny things to say; these from its 3/26/2009 edition.
In a story titled "Everything Taking Too Long":
Survey results revealed that 54% of respondents are not getting any younger over here, nearly 10 percent don't understand what the big holdup is, and 23% are not only ready but have been ready for the past half hour, so let's go already. Several thousand respondents hung up their telephones before answering all of the poll's questions.
While citizens said that a few things, such as lunch, dinner, and sleep, could afford to go on for much longer, everything else reportedly needs to get moving pronto as people have places to be.
"'Nope,' said 37-year-old Glenn Costabile, who entered and then immediately exited a crowded emergency room in downtown Detroit. 'No f-in' way.'"
In their national news highlights: "ARLINGTON, VA--While cutting open and eating a pineapple, Dave Condran, 26, jokingly acted like a caveman, though deep down he really felt like a caveman."