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Top Five Foods - 5 Cents
Posted by: Paul Nichols

16 Jan 2007


Top Five Foods

 

Everyone loves lists. Of course, top five lists are not as popular as top ten lists, or top 100 lists. But they have been immortalized in High Fidelity, a John Cusack film released in 2000. He works in a record store pondering his relationship breakups. Naturally, he ponders life and summarizes his happenings with top five lists. I will only too poorly imitate this style here.

 

Let's start with foods. Being a guy who lives alone I don't necessarily eat healthy food all the time. Naturally, my favorite foods are on the banned list of dieters everywhere.

 

5. Honey Nut Cheerios

 

These are actually healthy!!! I eat them pretty much every morning for breakfast. According to the box cover they "can help lower cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease as part of a low fat diet with the soluble fiber in Honey Nut Cheerios." Wait - what does that say? I'll need to eat a low fat diet? Pfyah! I eat these cause they taste good - it's like cheating to eat healthy. Plus, I need to get my cholesterol as low as possible in order to eat the following foods.

 

4. Cape Cod Cracked Pepper and Sea Salt Chips

 

I was introduced to these tasty morsels by my parents. Thanks! Their dedication to this product has made me a faithful follower. Rent a car for a gazillion dollars and drive to Hyannis, MA, the location of God's favorite potato chip factory. Good luck getting there, though. 4 million New Englanders are driving the two-lane Route 6 every day when the weather is warmer than 60 degrees. Traffic is usually backed up to Philadelphia. How 'bout instead you buy these online - at only $35.88 a case they're a steal!

 

3. Éclairs

 

There are two kinds of this marvelous food. Most of us are familiar with the pastry form:

 

A chocolate topping with a vanilla cream or whipped filling...need I say more? Good for breakfast, lunch, or dinner!

 

The lesser known kind of clair is a caramel candy. Cadbury likes to keep its candy a secret but I managed to find a link from its Australian home base here. I first found out about these while I was in India several years ago. Yumminy goodness in easy-to-carry form.

 

2. Tostitos Hint of Lime Chips

 

What was I saying about Cape Cod Cracked Pepper and Sea Salt chips??? I don't remember either.

 

These are the best chips going. Tostitos' website makes you think you'll want to chomp into a green pepper while you eat these. No need. No need to go for salsa, either. Don't buy anyone's lies about salsa and the hint of lime chip. The lime is all the Latin America you'll need for these things. (Lime with salt is a childhood favorite in many parts of Latin America.) At over 20 calories per chip you'll probably want to balance this food with my number five favorite food.

 

And, finally, my favorite food...

 

1. Buffalo Wings

 

 

Far and away buffalo wings are my most ordered food at any restaurant. Beware - many restaurants are killing the wonderful legacy of the buffalo wing with all sorts of varieties. For example, try the mango habañero style at the Buffalo Wild Wings chain at your own risk. Bleh!

 

I suggest you purchase wings on the bone versus boneless. Boneless might be more convenient, but they certainly lack in flavor. Plus you might be getting an imitation "mechanically separated chicken and turkey parts" wing instead of the, um, "real" thing.

 

Should you get the celery and bleu cheese? Not if they cost more! Eat the celery to avert the guilt of eating such a terribly unhealthy meal. Or have a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios when you go home. The bleu cheese is good for little else than washing down the 10 TUMS tablets you'll need to make it home alive.

 

How did they get their name? Why, they were invented at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, New York! There really aren't any buffalos with wings. If you're in the Buffalo area, check this place off your "to see" top 5 list. A jazz combo usually plays on the weekends as an added bonus. If you can't make it to Buffalo, fret not ye faithful buffalo wing fans, you can buy the sauces in your own state - I just hope you don't live in West Virginia!

 

Comments on your favorite food? Yell at us on the message board until we get off our duff to change the way we take comments!

© 2007 Dime Brothers
Category: Food    

Reader Comments:

 
 
Hey man, I was just trying to kick your wings up a notch. BAM! BAM! You are all over the place with your list. Chips, wings, eclairs?? How about a top 5 snack food items, top 5 desserts, top 5 stews made with wild game? Oh yeah babe, now you're talking.
17 Jan 2007
Emeril Lagasse 
 
 
Perhaps the 20 cal per hint of lime chips is an approximation. I have never seen them report calories unless it ends in a 5 or zero. So maybe its closer to 15 cals per chip. So if you ate 3 chips for 60 cals, maybe the 4th chip is free. Great math. Hell ya.
17 Jan 2007
Taco Kenny Wallace 
 
 
There is not, nor ought there be a food so exalted on the face of God's great earth, as that prince of foods: The Muffin!
17 Jan 2007
Frank Zappa 
 
 
That food list is bunk... Bacon, man, bacon...
17 Jan 2007
Paul Best 
 
 
Bacon Youtube

http://youtube.com/watch?v=qi2aCSfhvKg
18 Jan 2007
Ben Garrant (The State) 
 
 
And where on earth was our Mom's homemade macaroni and cheese?! I'm telling! (And lambchops? Where were they?!)
: )
18 Jan 2007
Mark 

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